So, if you are offended by Obama's speech to your school children and you worry that his whole "stay in school" message is poisoning the minds of your sons and daughters, here's a recommended syllabus for your first day home schooling your children:
8:00 a.m. A quick breakfast of gruel mixed with lard to help build character.
8:05 a.m. Construction of aluminum hats.
9:25 a.m. Firearm safety.
11:45 a.m. Abortion provider target practice.
Noon Break for lunch. Beef, no pork. Wouldn't want the kiddos getting swine flu.
12:15 p.m. Civics lesson: A thorough study of the Constitution focusing primarily on the Second Amendment and our founding fathers' belief that liberals are evil.
1:00 p.m. Speech and Debate: We listen to Rush Limbaugh tell the left how things are.
1:15 p.m. Physical Education: Have the children unload the Hummer and take the canned goods to the bunker.
2:00 p.m. Bible study focusing on the Old Testament and Revelations, particularly sections focusing on smiting one's enemies.
4:00 p.m. Snack break: A little slice of Mom's homemade apple pie.
4:30 p.m. Math: Word Problems: If Orly Taitz produces one new Kenyan birth certificate per month and there are nineteen bats in her belfry, how many oars does she have in the water?
5:00 p.m. History: Draw a time line of Democratic evil doings throughout history. Essay on how Obama is equal to Hitler due just before dinner.
5:30 p.m. Home Economics: Today's topic-- How a woman's place is in the home.
6:00 p.m. Comparative Religion: Compare and contrast how all the religions show that Obama is the anti-Christ. Reading quiz to follow supper.
6:30 p.m. Environmental Science: Leave refrigerator door open to spite greeno whack jobs. Throw aluminum hats into storm drain to clog the so-called "watershed."
7:00 p.m. Reading quiz. Dinner-- Deer meat from the deep freezer.
8:00 p.m. Evening prayer. Reminder about importance of abstinence and brief lecture on the evils of onanism. Lights out.
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
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