Home School Syllabus For Parents Offended By Obama's Speech

So, if you are offended by Obama's speech to your school children and you worry that his whole "stay in school" message is poisoning the minds of your sons and daughters, here's a recommended syllabus for your first day home schooling your children:

8:00 a.m. A quick breakfast of gruel mixed with lard to help build character.

8:05 a.m. Construction of aluminum hats.

9:25 a.m. Firearm safety.

11:45 a.m. Abortion provider target practice.

Noon Break for lunch. Beef, no pork. Wouldn't want the kiddos getting swine flu.

12:15 p.m. Civics lesson: A thorough study of the Constitution focusing primarily on the Second Amendment and our founding fathers' belief that liberals are evil.

1:00 p.m. Speech and Debate: We listen to Rush Limbaugh tell the left how things are.

1:15 p.m. Physical Education: Have the children unload the Hummer and take the canned goods to the bunker.

2:00 p.m. Bible study focusing on the Old Testament and Revelations, particularly sections focusing on smiting one's enemies.

4:00 p.m. Snack break: A little slice of Mom's homemade apple pie.

4:30 p.m. Math: Word Problems: If Orly Taitz produces one new Kenyan birth certificate per month and there are nineteen bats in her belfry, how many oars does she have in the water?

5:00 p.m. History: Draw a time line of Democratic evil doings throughout history. Essay on how Obama is equal to Hitler due just before dinner.

5:30 p.m. Home Economics: Today's topic-- How a woman's place is in the home.

6:00 p.m. Comparative Religion: Compare and contrast how all the religions show that Obama is the anti-Christ. Reading quiz to follow supper.

6:30 p.m. Environmental Science: Leave refrigerator door open to spite greeno whack jobs. Throw aluminum hats into storm drain to clog the so-called "watershed."

7:00 p.m. Reading quiz. Dinner-- Deer meat from the deep freezer.

8:00 p.m. Evening prayer. Reminder about importance of abstinence and brief lecture on the evils of onanism. Lights out.