On Civility

Are we losing ground on civility, or are we just being dreamy-headed about the past? Watch CNN for more than an hour and you will think the world is coming to an end next week. Watch Fox News and you'll buy a gun and start digging a bunker.

But I have to say that I'm not sure that's the case. We've had plenty of incivility and unrest in this country. We've had our share of violence and carnage since we came off the boats. Even in the Bible, we don't get two generations away from creation without our first murder.

When I was remodeling a building a few years ago, I found some newspapers from 1935 wrapping the water supply line. On the front page were stories about a suicide, a double murder and two robberies, and this was in Bowling Green, Kentucky. My own grandparents would gossip about their neighbors affairs, embezzlements, drinking problems, and domestic violence. A local doctor had murdered his boys for the insurance money.

I think it's the same way with civility. Forty years ago in the south, people were openly racist as a common practice. Where's the civility in that? Many men and women felt hostile toward women who chose to work outside the home. Where's the civility in that?

Personally, I like civility, but I can do just as well with people not acting like an aggressive jerk or showing their ass in public. Joe Wilson, Serena Williams, and Kanye West all showed their ass last week. Some were contrite because they seemed genuinely remorseful (Kanye), some because they felt pressured (Joe), and some because they seemed worried about how it looked for a diva making millions to threaten a line judge (Serena).

I understand how easy it is to show your ass. I've given the gentle tootle to some distracted driver ignoring the green light. When I get blasted with middle fingers from both windows, I get as pissed as the next person. When I play basketball I can be a surly son of a bitch. It's painful on many levels to compound the fact that I'm old and slow with a perceived lack of respect. I've said some things I regret, and I'm thankful there weren't any cameras to capture my behavior for posterity.

I think a lot of the problem is the speed at which we live now, and this is an old argument. There's not a lot of time for reflection or remorse. News cycles focus more on dissection or a sort of verbal proctology. Which pundit can say the wittiest thing on the View? How in-depth can a news show be if they give a three minute segment to civility and they have nine panelists yapping like jackals for their scrap of face time?

When Jay Leno asked Kanye what he thought his mother would think of his actions, I thought that was the perfect question to ask the rapper. He obviously feels a deep love for the memory of his mother. Whether the remorse will prevent future outbursts, who knows. With Serena, I'm inclined to cut her some slack. I'm a librarian. My job performance isn't filmed for all the world to see. Librarianship isn't as competitive as many jobs, and the pressures to win a librarian tournament would be fairly mild compared to the legacy and financial windfall of the US Open. Not an excuse for being an ass, just some context. Joe Wilson is a politician. We rarely elect statesmen any more, so I don't think decorum, particularly considering the limelight and campaign contributions he's received since his outburst are going to impact his impulse control. Think of the hubris that generally goes into running for office. The politicians sit around mulling over the problems faced by this country, and they ultimately decide: "You know what this country really needs? Me."

All but one of my grandparents has passed away, but my parents have begun their own soft rituals. They've grown into their role as tsk-tskers. They've embraced the clucking of tongues. As I pursue my Masters north of forty years old, I see the dreaded generational gap becoming more pronounced. My classmates don't know who Billy Idol is. The sit in the hall waiting for class to start, and feet away from each other, instead of making new friends, the text madly to their friends. They chat casually about drunkenness on their cell phones. I'm becoming an old poop. An old poop who knows how to set a good screen, box out, and counter an elbow with an elbow. I just have to remember to apologize to the guy with the bloody nose, right?